Self Compassion for Parents

Embracing yourself where you’re at and improving how you feel

All parents have burnt the candle at both ends before! With the nature of parenting this is especially concerning. Our little ones need us and they need us whole, happy, and healthy. They need us as a safe place. Someone to help them regulate their emotions and process their experiences. Who do we have to help us?

When we are burnt out, overstimulated, and overwhelmed we cannot help our children or ourselves. This is a human experience and parents deserve the same compassion and understanding that we offer our children. Above all, we deserve the tender and nurturing care we strive to give our children. It’s perfectly normal to end up exhausted, burnt out, and feel like you can’t meet the needs and expectations of yourself, let alone others!

We drive ourselves into the ground with responsibilities that never end, standards that no one can meet, and forgetting to care for ourselves. Then, we criticize and judge our actions or inaction. We are too hard on ourselves all around, and we are our own worst critics. We may be able to do better, but we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for our mistakes. We are the role models for our children and we can show them how to care for ourselves and be compassionate with ourselves when we make mistakes.

If you are feeling burnt out now is the time for compassion. Rest and reset. Forgive yourself for not meeting the world’s expectations and recognize it’s time for a fresh start. If you are anything like me you may be so busy that you feel like self care and self compassion will have to go at the end of the to-do list. It doesn’t have to be a chore to take care of yourself! There’s plenty of things you could do that will add to the to-do list, but the cold hard truth is that recovering from burn out is not an exercise in productivity. I’m going to share with you the easiest ways I’ve found to integrate some self care into your daily schedule, but above all else you must rest, sit in silence, and declutter your to-do list back to the bare minimum.

Taking care of yourself each day goes a long way to improving your ability to parent. I promise, adding a little bit of self compassion and self care DAILY is better than doing it once in a while, and doing it once in a while is better than not at all. 

Here are the easiest tips I have for integrating some self care into your daily schedule.

• Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath before responding to your children. Take a deep breath between tasks. Take a moment as soon as you wake up and right before you fall asleep to just breathe and feel into your body.
• Fill up on the quiet and calm moments. When everything is still just for a moment, don’t seek to fill in the void with all the tasks on your to do list, or thinking about the next thing you’ve put off. Take a moment to smile to yourself, feel grateful for all that you have, and rest for a moment. Life doesn’t need to be rushing from one point to the next, life happens in the moment. Living in the peace of this moment will fill you up and give you a reserve to hold you over the next time you need it.
• Hold space for yourself. You are so deserving of the time and space needed to process your life and digest the lessons you learn. The mental and physical load will continue to accumulate if you don’t prioritize yourself.
• Soak your feet. All parents can benefit from a foot soak while you watch a show with the kids, while you give them a bath, or while you drink your morning coffee or tea. Add in some Epsom salts and enjoy! This is a great way to de-stress without much effort.
• Make a list of all the things you enjoy daily and remember to be grateful when those things happen! Do you enjoy a light breeze? The sun on your face? Stepping into the shower? The first sip of your favorite beverage? Write down all the things that make you feel good and remember to breathe and express gratitude for these things, don’t let them become mundane tasks that just need to be done.
• Do something you loved doing as a child. This one is great for an activity you can do with your own kids or on your own. What brought you the most joy when you were young? How long has it been since you’ve engaged in the most beloved activities of your youth? Don’t neglect yourself, you deserve to have some care free and frivolous activities outside of work and parenting.
• Get outside for no other reason than to go outside. Many parents get stuck inside for hours out of the day, as well as their kids. Go outside every day and enjoy a walk or playing in the yard, you don’t need to go to the park, have a plan, or make it a part of your exercise routine. Just being outside helps regulate our nervous systems and reduce stress, adding in a walk or other physical activity increases the benefits but is not required.
• Make adequate sleep a non negotiable. Seriously, we can’t cram more hours into a day just by sleeping less. Sleep deprivation is cumulative and women need to get 8-10 hours a night to regulate their hormones. If you struggle with sleep addressing it now will be one of the most important things you do for living a happier and healthier life.

Those are a few of my top tips to integrate some self care into your daily life. I have many more, but let’s not overwhelm you with options. Pick one, any one, and stick with it for a month. You deserve it. Your kids deserve a more relaxed and resilient parent. You’ve got this!